My mental health affects my friendships and relationships, which is probably one of the reasons why I’m 35 single and have no children or hardly any close friendships.

 

How mental health affects my friendships and relationships

When it comes to making friends, I’ve always found this problematic, and I’m not an easy person to be friends with because people can’t deal with my highs and lows.

I would love to be the sort of person who is understanding, loyal, a good laugh and I would do anything for anyone, but I can’t deal with their issues either, and my answers make me appear cold, unemotional, and uncaring.

A few years ago, I lost everyone because of this, and I fear the few people that are left will also run.

I’ve started feeling low again during the last few days, and some of this has to do with my monthly cycle.

Every time I tell people this or hide it and they pick up on it; I hate myself for bringing them down and fear they will end up hating me as they have issues of their own.

I’m going to withdraw from social contact and stay away because I don’t want to end up falling out with people.

I can’t stop making everyone angry with me when I’m like this and I don’t want to be too needy.

Even when I appear stable on the outside, I’m eaten up on the inside with low self-esteem. I hate my looks and my body.

I’ve fallen into that pattern of negativity, and I’m putting my family and few friends through hell.

It’s easy for people to tell me to cheer up, change, or stop being negative.

Unsurprisingly, I’ve lost lots of friends to my mental health issues being high one minute and low the next.

I can see that these relationships were toxic and made my mood swings worse rather than better, but I’m still to blame.

I’ve always wanted to be a perfectionist and make everyone proud of me.

I long for the day when I’m recovered from this illness, and all the hate and darkness is gone so I can repay everything my family and friends have done for me.

At the moment, it feels like all I do is take without giving back and, if I were them, I’d have walked away a long time ago.

Thanks to my family and few friends who have my back through the darkest days and although I’m no good at saying this to your face, I love you.