I’m single on Valentine’s Day due to an undiagnosed mental health disorder, and it’s been this way for a long time.

One of the main issues I have is paranoia which tells me that love is an illusion it’s not real, it doesn’t last, after all, nothing’s forever right?

We live, breathe and die, that’s just life! It happens to us all.

I wouldn’t say I like hearts and flowers, and I love writing sarcastic poetry about love and Valentine’s Day.

There’s a dark side to me that is so deep that no one will ever love me because of what I am and who I’ve become.

Valentine’s day is a capitalist rip-off, another way for businesses to gain more revenue from the sales of cards, chocolates, jewellery, and roses, etc.

If you love someone, why not treat them all the year-round, instead of waiting for one day a year?

If I want a gift, I don’t need a man to buy me one. I can buy myself presents, just like I do at Christmas and on my birthday.

Even people who have partners refuse to be drawn into the whole Valentine’s marketing ploy.

An article in the Daily Mail, Valentine’s cards for husbands, are being sold for 50p more than those available for wives in Sainsbury’s despite their almost identical appearance.

Shopper Julie Marlow spotted the price difference at a supermarket in Cornwall, complaining that she had to pay £2.50 for a card to her other half while he would only have to fork out £2.

I’m not lucky I believe I must be cursed to be on this rollercoaster, many people would describe as life!

I’m not your typical 35-year-old with a husband, children, house, and career.

What will I be doing on Valentine’s Day?

To me, it’s just another day so that I will be going to the Gym and filming a YouTube vlog.

It comes and goes just like any other day; it makes no difference to me.

In the evening I will curl up on the sofa and read a good book or watch some YouTube channels, I’m not one for reading romantic novels or crying into my wine and watching sad romantic films.

Let us know what your plans are?

Are you single on Valentine’s Day?

Please comment below or on our social media channels.

I’m turning 35 this Sunday, and it doesn’t seem like that long ago since I was celebrating my 21st or my 30th in Washington DC.

Sadly, life has thrown many knives at me, and I’m not in the place I wanted to be at this age.

In fact, I never intended to make it past 27. 27 was the age where all the great musicians passed away, however, I never became the person I dreamt I would be.

As a child, I always thought that you left school, went to college, Uni, and got a job just like that.

Then by 25, you would be married with children, a house and a car just like your parents.

Unfortunately, life hasn’t been that simple for me!

I’m 35, single, no children, no house, no job and I’ve spent years in and out of work.

I’ve decided that I don’t want to work for anyone else again because I don’t want to be a meaningless wage slave only to be treated like dirt and bullied in the workplace.

I work for myself and choose the work I do and who I work for and my own hours. Life comes before work!

I don’t want to be tied to a desk for 8 hours a day, five days a week repeating the same old daily ritual day after day it’s such a waste.

I want to learn experience and explore new things.

I would also like to travel to places such as Australia (again), I would love to spend more time traveling through Sydney, Melbourne, Queensland, Alice Springs, Adelaide, and WA.

Route 66 has always been a dream of mine. I’ve also not visited many places in Europe, and I have never been to my Grans home country, Ireland, my Nan’s home country, Hong Kong, and I’ve never ventured as far north as Scotland.

I’m single because I have trust issues and I’ve stopped going out as much as I used to.

In fact, I have no plans for my birthday and no one to celebrate or commiserate with.

There were times when my idea of a night out was all-nighters, now I would settle for a quiet meal out and a few drinks or a takeaway night in with a few karaoke tunes.

I’m off to Exeter on Saturday to spend the day with my mum, dad, sister, brother-in-law, and their kids.

We are getting a birthday cake which should be fun. We can’t go on my actual birthday (Sunday)because mum works Sundays.

Hopefully, in a few week’s time, my mum, sister and I will finally get to go to the spa day we booked for mum back in December 2016.

I’m spending my 35th birthday on my own. I will probably go to the gym and for a swim and have a few drinks by myself.

I’ve learned that some people are meant to be alone and that having too many people in your life can cause too much pain than good.

Nothing is forever and just because everyone is married with kids or living in a big house with flash cars and a good job doesn’t mean it’s going to last.

I’m slowly making progress, but I’ve still got a long way to go.

I have weight to lose, blog, vlog, and social media channels to grow and I would love to improve my guitar playing this year.

I’m still full of cold and I received a call out of the blue from the mental health team.

It’s been a busy week full of drama and it started me still suffering from flu symptoms.

I only went back to the gym and the pool on Sunday after taking the week off, and I also received a surprise call from the CMHT confirming that they had lost my notes from my assessment from May 2017.

I started my new year’s resolutions with all good intentions until the cold that I thought I had got rid of on Sunday returned.

I decided to go back to the gym and for a swim on Sunday. The gym sessions were going quite well until I went into the swimming pool, swam a few lengths then started sneezing.

I came out of the pool and thought I would try and steam out the cold in the steamer, but I could barely breathe in there.

I went into the Jacuzzi, and I felt cold, so I came out.

After having a shower and walking home, I felt cold and ended up with watery eyes and sneezing the rest of the day.

On Monday, I decided to go to the gym and give the pool a miss. I was a little bit slow but managed to go on the treadmill, bike, and rowing machine before I had another sneezing fit.

I made both HIIT sessions this week, and I’ve been in the gym all five days, but I’m still sneezing a little.

I’ve also been doing some research for a vlog, and I’ve been uploading to social media daily from this week because I want to increase my followers and get more involved with brands and collaborations with other bloggers this year.

I’m getting busy with work and clients are requesting more, I can’t complain though as I never get bored as there is too much to do and everything I earn goes back into paying for tools to make my blogs and vlogs better.

A bolt out of the blue phone call from the CMHT

I’ve just received a phone call out of the blue from the CMHT asking what I would like to get out of their service.

This appears to be a strange question as they have notes on me dating back to May 2015.

During the phone call, the CMHT admitted losing the notes they had made on me during my last assessment with the team back in May 2017, which was another wasted journey.

They have taken several months to get back to me. It’s no wonder there are lots of suicides in Cornwall!

The final probation call

The person called 10 minutes late, but she was friendly.

Sadly, in terms of getting educated and on courses they couldn’t really help me because they only help people who don’t have basic skills such as GCSE Maths and English get back into work.

Regarding my mental health, they also advised me to keep persevering with the CMHT.

I’m relieved it’s over but disappointed they couldn’t offer opportunities for people who are given a criminal record due to their mental health instead of going through a tick-box exercise every time they phone.

The phone in probation service is a waste of time and money.

The pain clinic

I attended my second session at the pain clinic for my bulging disc and sciatica pain.

The Physician spent most of the time explaining where the pain comes from which isn’t helpful.

I said I wanted another scan because the scans he was looking at are from September 2015.

He took my knee and ankle reflexes and told me that they wouldn’t offer a scan unless I couldn’t feel my reflexes.

He then told me to exercise more, and if I had any problems, I could have an open appointment for six months.

How’s your 2018 going?

Have you made any significant changes or is there anything that you are struggling with?

Let us know in the comment section or start a conversation on our social media channels.

• .

This time of year is supposed to Christmas is stressful for mental health suffers leaving many of us feeling emotional and overwhelmed.

For most of us, this time of the year is about being merry and enjoying parties and drinks with friends and family.

However, it’s not always so fun for those who suffer from mental health issues.

Many people find that being surrounded by too many people can feel anxious.

I hate Christmas shopping because I rush around shops trying to buy things and I get annoyed when I can’t find what I want and often just pick up something random off the shelves.

I also hate queuing because it makes me panicky.

By queuing I mean more than one other person at the till. I don’t have the patience for this.

I need to get into a place, get what I want, and get out before I explode.

Lucky for me, I started my Christmas shopping online back in October, and I had only brought a few things from one shop a few weeks ago.

At least I don’t have the whole Christmas panic buy, and I don’t have a lot of people to buy for.

I don’t have friends to meet up with or Christmas parties to go to either because I work for myself and the only people I see are my family and the staff at the leisure centre I go to almost every day.

I don’t miss the parties because I used to panic about what to wear and I would look too fat in a dress.

I also hate big parties (depending on what mood I’m in).

I could be singing and dancing on chairs, or I would try to hide from everyone at the bar.

As I work for myself, my brain is always ticking, and if I miss even one day of exercise, I go crazy thinking I’m going to gain weight.

A poll by the Samaritans shows that “Nearly half of people questioned in a poll for Samaritans said they hide their real feelings at Christmas to keep other people happy.

The poll also showed that many more women feel they have to put on a brave face than men.”

This year there are mental health helplines open on Christmas Day, so if you or someone you know is struggling let them know that the Samaritans and SANE are open every day.

You could end up saving someone’s life. That’s the best present you can give as Christmas is stressful for mental health sufferers out there.

The best Christmas gift for mental health suffers is to let them know that you are there for them no matter what.

We are just five days into December, and I’m already failing blogmas and vlogmas, and not even a spending spree can hide my disappointment.

I had big plans for December until the lightning bolt hit; everything started falling apart and going wrong for me.

More work came in and came back to me, and I couldn’t keep up with a video, a blog post, gym sessions, swimming, and organising Christmas and other personal things.

I’ve had a really busy few days, and it’s only the beginning of December.

It doesn’t stop there either as I’m off to my sister’s later in the week, which means that I will miss my gym and swim sessions.

Tomorrow starts with some cardio in the gym and in the afternoon I have the pain clinic, so fingers crossed that there might be a solution to my back pain, although I’ve had the pain for so long it’s affecting my exercise and slowing me down.

After the hospital, I then plan to go swimming, and then I have to try to write a blog post and pack before having an early night to travel to my sister’s in Exeter early Thursday morning.

I plan to come back to Cornwall next Monday evening, and I will be filming, blogging, going to the gym, and swimming until the following Sunday and then traveling back to Exeter with my mum because we are going to surprise the kids with a Christmas train trip.

We booked the trip a few months ago as we usually book the Santa Buckfastleigh trip but decided to try something different this year.

The kids wanted to go on the Polar Express, however, unfortunately, the organisers lost the rights to use the name, and they have now called the trip “The train to Christmas Town.”

I have to return to Cornwall with mum on Tuesday the 19th so that she can go to work on Wednesday.

I will then return again to Exeter on the Saturday before Christmas. Mum and Dad will join me at my sister’s in Exeter on Christmas Day and will travel back on Boxing day, and I will be going to London on the 28th and 29th and returning for the New Year.

I’m not sure I will be able to keep up with vlogmas and blogmas and my strict fitness regime, and I’m feeling disappointed as I hate failing things.

I’ve been thinking about my future and doing my master’s. However, I’m also disappointed because I thought I’d be in a more stable place in my life to finally take up the offer.

I have decided to concentrate on both Digital Classic and the Looneychickblog for now.

The Looneychick blog has been voted 4th in the top 10 Vuelio mental health blogs; I hope to get the first spot next year.

So my blog needs to improve. I want to go back to two blog posts a week next year on both blogs as well as pass the Google Developer mobile app development course.

I started the course and ended up having problems with downloading GitHub

. I haven’t decided on what software to use when editing videos because for some reason iMovies won’t update on my Mac.

I’m going to try PowerPoint and Arc.

I have purchased a new camera the Canon SX730 HS because I needed a camera with a screen to vlog with and my iPhone only has an 8 GB memory.

Fingers crossed I can get time to look at it let alone video and edit!

Let me know if you are or have failed with blogmas and vlogmas?

It’s been over four years since my mental health took a turn for the worse and there are things that I still struggle with that I’d hoped to have found easier by now.

Large black clouds and demons still control specific dark thoughts that I want to leave me alone, but they won’t, and I don’t think they will ever disappear, so I have to accept that despite being on anti-depressants on and off for 4-years, I may never be drug-free.

Staying sober

The urge to drink myself into oblivion still haunts me, and there are certain times when I want to forget and dance around the room with a few friends and a few glasses of vino.

I sometimes forget that I no longer have friends who I can call on when I want a chat or go out with. I lost them all due to this undiagnosed mental health disorder.

Staying sober is a struggle.

However I’m now a lot fitter, I have saved a lot of money now I’m not drinking.

Lack of interaction with colleagues

I used to love team meetings when you would contribute something useful to your work colleagues, and you would also learn something from them that you never knew before.

Working alone can get lonely, with no one to discuss ideas with or brainstorm with.

However, I know it’s not the same, but there are always Facebook groups for bloggers and vloggers that I can share tips and advice with.

The problem is I struggle to make and maintain both personal and professional relationships.

Therefore I may have to accept the fact that I can’t work with people again.

I’m also often so hyperactive that no one can concentrate and I become a bit of a distraction.

Grans death

Last week was the 8^th anniversary of my Gran’s death, and one of the things that haunt me, and I still struggle with today is the very last words she said to me.

Her last words were “Please don’t leave me because I will have no one to talk to”, yet I left and never saw her again.

I remember the last time I saw Gran alive in August 2009.

It was late summer and mum, and I had gone up to see Gran and Grandad. I was staying in Aldershot with my Dad’s parents and Mum, and I had popped over for the day to see them.

I invited both my aunts out with Gran, mum, and I to the farm shop in Old Windsor, only one of my aunts came with my eldest cousin, the other aunt and her family never came because they were busy celebrating my uncle’s 50^th birthday.

Mum and I wheeled Gran out in the Wheelchair up the shops to meet up with my aunt and cousin.

We went to the park then to the farm shop for a drink. When we came back, Gran never wanted to go inside; she wanted to sit out in the sun.

I managed to take a few photos on my mobile phone, and I’m glad I did.

Looking back, it felt as if Gran never wanted to go inside because she didn’t want the day to end.

After all, it would be the last time that she would see her eldest daughter, her middle daughter, her eldest grandson, and granddaughter.

I can’t even put flowers on the grave because I live four and a half hours away.

My manic behaviours

I have tried to curve these by literally trying to wear myself out from excess exercise.

I use to virtually clock watch and struggle to sleep.

I have improved slightly due to 3 hours of training daily.

I go to HIIT sessions twice a week go to the gym five times a week, and go swimming for an hour a day six to seven times a week.

I joined Una Leisure back in September as I’m on a mission to lose weight and get fitter.

My manic behaviours can cause me to become sarcastic, irritable, and overexcited. These behaviours last weeks at a time.

Staying focused

I’m trying to stay focused, and I currently have a plan in place.

However, this can be difficult when I go on a tangent by failing to do tasks.

I’m easily distracted, and I often procrastinate.

Making decisions

I never used to struggle with making decisions.

One of the most significant decisions I need to make is whether I should work towards my master’s.

I’m considering doing the postgraduate certificate and seeing how I get on. This will cost me £2000

I can’t believe that it’s just seven weeks until Christmas so here are some November goals for the Looneychick.

Recently I’ve been feeling a little flat and unmotivated, so I’m writing this blog post to help me get my November goals up and running.

The Looneychick Vlogs YouTube channel

I’ve launched a new YouTube channel which I will be talking about products that I have received from companies asking me to try them out and I will talk about my goals and how I’m feeling.

My goal is to gain a few subscribers this month and upload at least once a week. Check out my channel and subscribe.

Bipolar group
I haven’t been to the Bipolar Group in Penzance for months because of the ridiculous amount of traffic in the summer, and I don’t go when the weather is terrible although I should make more of an effort.

When the roads are busy, I hate going out because lots of people on the roads make my anxiety worse.

The bipolar group has been one of the only positive outlets in my life over the past few years so I would like to achieve another November goal by popping in and catching up with the group who only meet once a month.

Valued Lives
I mentioned ‘Valued Lives’ in one of my previous blog posts, and I’m hoping to become involved by supporting Cornwall’s first-ever mental health hub.

‘Valued Lives’ are looking for volunteers to start training this month If you are interested call 01209 484495.

If you haven’t already had a chance, check out Crowdfunder and help win yourself a chance of 3 days in Iceland to get a glimpse of the Northern Lights.

Vlogmas

Last December I took part in blogmas and blogged 24 days in a row on two blogs.

This year I have decided to vlog for 24 days on the Looneychickblog and blog for 24 days on my other blog Digital Classic.

I’m hoping that a mixture of video and writing will help me create better online content on both blogs.

Keep up with my fitness

Keeping up with my fitness regime is one of the most essential November goals for me.

I’m finally back doing HIIT sessions twice a week after two weeks off because my fitness trainer cracked his collarbone during a rugby match.

I’m delighted that he’s back and I’m also planning to spend 5 to 6 days a week at the gym and swimming.

Another big November goal of mine is to lose weight.

I’ve lost a little bit, although I can and will lose more so my trainer, and I are planning to look at my diet and see where I can make more positive changes.

Christmas presents
Yes, I know it’s only November.

However, I like to look out for bargains, especially during Black Friday and Cyber Monday.

As an Amazon Prime member, the Black Friday sale starts next week for me, and I have a few items on my wishlist that I’m planning to buy for the right price.

If you have any questions on the above or you would like to share your November goals with us, please comment in the section below or join in the discussions on our social media pages.

Today is Halloween, however, you may be surprised to hear that it can have a negative impact on mental health.

For those of us who suffer from mental health problems, it’s not always fun when our psychological health is stigmatised by people who are looking to dress up and make fun of our illnesses.

Don’t try to glamorise mental health by dressing up as a Psycho killer or a doctor in a white coat isn’t the same as a killer monster or a bloodsucking vampire.

Mental health and fear still need a lot more research and people still need educating on the subject because even in 2017 many people still see mental health sufferers as freaks who are dangerous to society and who can’t be trusted.

You can have a fantastic night without glamorising mental health or stigmatise it.

Just spare a little thought for those of us who have mental illness and can’t escape from it.

We have to deal with enough stigma without being seen as a scary joke.

Many of us who have mental illness see monsters and scary images on a daily basis.

You wouldn’t shave your head and go out dressed as a cancer patient, so please don’t dress up as someone who is suffering from mental issues.

It’s hurtful, stupid, and not at all funny.

Halloween should be a fun time of year.

There are lots of fun characters that you can dress up as without making fun of mental health such as ‘mental patient’ and ‘Psycho ward’.

What’s even more disturbing is the fact that people are hosting parties with themes that include Asylum Creek and hanging things from trees without realising or recalling that someone who drives by every day had a son or daughter who died by suicide.

In 2016, NAMI (The National Alliance on Mental Illness) in the US received many comments about protests over Halloween stigma.

Most individuals and families affected by mental illness agree with them, with many finding many Halloween costumes hurtful and insensitive towards individuals who are either mental health sufferers or have loved ones who also have mental wellbeing issues.

Many of us who struggle with mental illness see monsters and scary images on a daily basis.

Let us know your thoughts on Halloween costumes and its negative impact on mental health below in the comments section or on our social media channels.

I was surprised to receive an email telling me that I have won blogger of the year with HealthUnlocked for my blog www.looneychickblog.co.uk.

Before now, I have never won anything, and this was a lovely surprise, especially on the day before Mental Health Day. Yesterday, I went to the surgery for blood tests, and I came out late due to my name not registering on their system.

My Dad, who was waiting in my car told me that someone had reversed into my car and attempted to drive off and run over my Dad down when Dad ran after him.

We took the car over to a garage and they quoted £500 worth of damage as I will need a new headlight and the paintwork and bumper will need re-spraying.

When I rang my insurance, I was annoyed to hear that if they do the work and recover the costs, I will lose my no claims!

How is this fair?

I then had to chase the hit and run driver’s insurance company, and they are getting in contact with their client before letting me know. More waiting!

Rant over; let’s get back to the point on what it means to become an award-winning blogger!

After all that drama, I came home to an email saying that I had won the Health management blogger of the year award.

I sat staring at my computer for a few minutes in total shock, and my initial thoughts were “Was this a wind-up?”

Then I shouted to my parents who were sitting eating their lunch downstairs and asked them to double-check the email.

They confirmed that I was an award-winning blogger.

I started the Looneychick blog last October, documenting real-life experiences of mental health to help stamp out the stigma, raise awareness, and to fight for better mental health diagnoses and treatments.

At first, I didn’t have the confidence to share my life story, but I was encouraged by my father who told me that he thought I could make a difference.

Did I ever think that I would win the Health management blogger of 2017?

No way, if you said this to me even when I found out that I was shortlisted, I never in a million years believed that I would win.

I was shocked to be nominated.

According to the office of National Statistics with 1 in 4 people in the UK suffering from mental health and statistics looking to get worse over the next ten years, something drastic needs to be done.

Many people are talking about mental health and glamorising it, but no one understands it until they live with it and this is an issue that is real and is life-threatening.

More and more people are taking their own lives, and more needs to be done to reduce the suicide rate throughout the country.

I started this blog to make a difference, not just talk the talk like the British media.

The most important thing is that I can provide open and honest advice and help to inform and inspire people who deal with mental illness.

Plans for the Looneychickblog in the next 12 months

I have so many ideas for this blog, and I’m bringing out a YouTube channel which I hope guest YouTubers will join me on.

I would also like to step up the content and continue to deliver high-quality content and win more awards.

I would also like to become an ambassador for Mind or Heads Together and become an influential voice for fighting mental health stigma and getting accessible diagnosis and treatments for all regardless of how much money they have.

If anyone has anything that they would like me to cover or they wish to collaborate with me, please email admin@looneychickblog.co.uk.

I would like to thank everyone who reads the blog, all my social media followers, the judges at HealthUnlocked, and everyone who voted for the Looneychickblog and for me as blogger of the year 2017.

 

Firstly I would like to wish everyone a Happy Bipolar Awareness Day. It’s a great opportunity to raise money for better research and treatments.

One of the things that still annoys me is the fact that last week nearly everyone was aware of MacMillan and there were lots of cakes made, donated and lots of money raised, however, I’m yet to hear of a business taking part in raising money for Bipolar Awareness Day. Just like Cancer, mental health is also life-threatening. Bipolar also affects more than one million people in the UK.

Bipolar UK has launched “Game for a laugh” to help promote awareness by celebrating with a whole month full of games and laughter.

To take part in this, all you have to do is hold your own event based on the fun and laughter theme.

You can host a party, a games night, or a fancy dress which could be fun with Halloween also coming up at the end of this month.

You can download the Bipolar Awareness Day fundraising guide here

Download your event poster template here

Donate to Bipolar UK

You can also donate by texting BPAD17 £10 to 70070 today to give a gift and help transform the lives of people affected by bipolar.

Or just click the orange donate button and make a donation online.

If you want to host a fundraiser and aren’t sure what to do call Jaynee for tips and tools and on 0333 323 3780 or email fundraising@bipolaruk.org.

RIP Tom Petty

I didn’t feel it was right to end this article without writing a little bit of a tribute to American Singer-Songwriter Tom Petty, who I was shocked and saddened to learn of his death last night.

Tom, also suffered from mental health problems and was in one of the best bands ever, The Travelling Wilburys alongside well-known musicians such as George Harrison, Roy Orbison, Jeff Lynn, and Bob Dylan.

As a child Tom’s dad used to beat him up, as an adult, he married his friend and ended up in an unhappy marriage and soon ended up hooked on Heroin before deciding to go into rehab and marrying his second wife.

Here are some of the songs that have helped people during dark times by The Mighty – Mental Health Facebook followers:

Learning to fly

I won’t back down

Mary Jane’s last dance

Free Fallin

Breakdown