Over the past 3 years, I’ve been dealing with loss and grief just like much of the UK due to the pandemic and, more recently, the death of the Queen.

Since the lockdown in 2020, everything has gone downhill, and I don’t feel I have achieved anything on my blogs or on a personal level.

In July 2020, we lost my sister’s dog Beanie; in February 2021, we lost our Guinea pig; in April the same year, I lost someone who was like a sister to me and in June this year, I lost my best friend, my jack Russell, Winston, who was 17 years old.

I’ve been dealing with this by attending the gym, swimming and doing Muay Thai. Recently we were thrown out of our local gym in Bodmin, so I have been limited to just two weekly sessions, an hour from where I live. I also wasn’t good enough to grade, so I will have to wait to achieve my green prajaet until at least Christmas.

I have started yoga to become more flexible and improve my appalling balance for Muay Thai. Despite doing all this exercise, I have failed to lose weight, so my speed hasn’t improved much. It looks like I will never represent the club and fight as I head into 2023 and become 40.

I haven’t seen my closest friend for a few years as she lives over an hour away and has been busy with work and life, but I hope to see her before Christmas.

My medication is also fucked up because I didn’t get it in quick enough because of the bank holiday for the Queen’s funeral. I finally received most of my meds this week, but my mood stabiliser is still missing!

When I ring and ask for my meds, they put me through to another number that keeps ringing until it cuts me off!

I’m not sure I can take any more grief and loss, so I will keep positive and try to achieve more, but right now, it feels like I’m failing, and my brain doesn’t work well without my mood stabiliser.