Is having a positive mindset all it’s cracked up to be?

An optimistic outlook on life offers many benefits, from improved mental well-being to reduced pain levels. But it can be irksome if you’re going through something difficult and you’re told to stay positive.

There’s a time and a place for positivity, and if it’s forced upon you when you’re not ready to embrace it, it can be harmful. Here, we’ll explain this phenomenon – toxic positivity – and provide tips on embracing wellness without toxicity.

What is toxic positivity?

Have you ever experienced negative emotions, like grief, depression, or sadness, and hidden them from your loved ones? Perhaps you’ve even felt guilty for feelings of sadness or anger. This is a sign you’ve been affected by toxic positivity. It’s the belief that we should all maintain a positive mindset regardless of our situation.

If a loved one has told you to “stay positive”, “look on the bright side”, or “think of those that have it worse than you”, those are clear signs of toxic positivity. It’s the idea that we choose how we feel – and while our attitudes can influence our emotions, it’s not that simple.

Often, toxic positivity is well-intentioned. Your loved ones may be trying to cheer you up in a bad situation, but doing so can exacerbate the problem by making you feel bad about your reasonable reaction to hardship. Toxic positivity invalidates reasonable and rational responses to adversity and can even be used to silence struggling people.

How can you be positive without being toxic?

There’s nothing wrong with a sunny outlook on life. But we have to understand that it won’t be possible to keep up at all times, especially with what life can throw at us. Here are our top tips on embracing positivity and looking after your wellness without becoming harmful.

Allow yourself to feel your emotions.

Nobody actively wants to feel sad, angry, or depressed, but these emotions are all part of life. They will happen when experiencing difficult circumstances or dealing with mental illness. If you try to avoid them by thinking positively or experiencing them makes you feel guilty, you will end up feeling even worse. Bottling up your feelings can even impact your physical health.

Setting aside time to deal with your feelings will help you understand them and move past them. When it comes to experiencing guilt over feeling or expressing these emotions, you could confide in a loved one – they’ll help you understand that everyone encounters these feelings and ease your worries over communicating them.

Tune out toxic positivity content

Content on social media can feed into toxic positivity. Accounts dedicated to posting inspirational quotes and positive mindset messages rack up thousands of likes and comments. A “good vibes only” mentality is prevalent on social media. While some people may find following these accounts beneficial, it can make others feel bad about not constantly being sunny and optimistic.

As well as accounts dedicated to posting positive mantras, we also have to deal with humble bragging on social media. Whether it’s your friends or your favourite celebrities and influencers, people curate their social media feeds and often post positive content only. You can remove this toxic positivity from your feeds by unfollowing accounts and creators that make you feel bad about yourself.

Be more understanding

We can fall into the trap of toxic positivity without even realising it. To cheer up a loved one who is having a hard time, we might encourage them to look on the bright side. But by doing so, we can make them feel guilty or their emotions disregarded.

It’s natural to want to try and resolve your loved one’s problems. But sometimes, letting them know that you’re there, you’re listening, and you’re not judging just by saying phrases like “I’m here no matter what”, “your feelings are valid”, and “that must be tough” is enough.

You could also ask your friend or family member if they’re looking for advice or just looking to vent over some warm mugs of tea. By understanding their needs at the moment, you can better support them and validate how they’re feeling instead of jumping to what you think is best.

After the hardships many of us have faced in the past couple of years, the shift to constant positivity is understandable. But engaging with “good vibes only” content and viewing everything in a positive light isn’t beneficial – it can have the opposite effect and make you or your loved ones feel even worse about your situation. This can lead to you bottling up your feelings, which we know harms our health. A positive attitude is a good thing – but positivity without nuance is not.