I was asked what my goals are for 2023! Here is what I hope to kick off the new year with.

1: Achieving Green Prajaet

I want to achieve my green prajaet in Muay Thai. Last year I couldn’t get the whip kick right, so this year I hope to be second time lucky. I need to train at least 4 times a week which I never did towards the end of the year.

2: Dusting off the ring rust

Getting in the ring again is something that excites me. I went in the ring last year but didn’t put on the best display for an interclub where I was sparring with someone much heavier than myself. I need to lose weight to be guaranteed a match as it’s matched by weight.

3: Lose weight

By losing weight I will be quicker and fitter when it comes to Muay Thai and running. I’m rejoining the gym next week and I will be going to the gym and swimming at least 3 times per week as well as dog walking and training in Muay Thai at least 4 times a week. I tried losing weight last year but lost a few pounds and ended up somehow despite all the exercise I do putting it back on again. I need to seriously look at my diet or a personal trainer if unsuccessful this year.

4: Gain my Google Analytics qualification

I recently passed the beginners certificate and will be completing and passing my Google exams, This is also the year when Google Analytics changes over to GA4 so lots of new learning to do workwise. This is something I looked into years ago and for some reason never completed it.

Let us know what your goals for 2023 are in the comments below!

Over the past 3 years, I’ve been dealing with loss and grief just like much of the UK due to the pandemic and, more recently, the death of the Queen.

Since the lockdown in 2020, everything has gone downhill, and I don’t feel I have achieved anything on my blogs or on a personal level.

In July 2020, we lost my sister’s dog Beanie; in February 2021, we lost our Guinea pig; in April the same year, I lost someone who was like a sister to me and in June this year, I lost my best friend, my jack Russell, Winston, who was 17 years old.

I’ve been dealing with this by attending the gym, swimming and doing Muay Thai. Recently we were thrown out of our local gym in Bodmin, so I have been limited to just two weekly sessions, an hour from where I live. I also wasn’t good enough to grade, so I will have to wait to achieve my green prajaet until at least Christmas.

I have started yoga to become more flexible and improve my appalling balance for Muay Thai. Despite doing all this exercise, I have failed to lose weight, so my speed hasn’t improved much. It looks like I will never represent the club and fight as I head into 2023 and become 40.

I haven’t seen my closest friend for a few years as she lives over an hour away and has been busy with work and life, but I hope to see her before Christmas.

My medication is also fucked up because I didn’t get it in quick enough because of the bank holiday for the Queen’s funeral. I finally received most of my meds this week, but my mood stabiliser is still missing!

When I ring and ask for my meds, they put me through to another number that keeps ringing until it cuts me off!

I’m not sure I can take any more grief and loss, so I will keep positive and try to achieve more, but right now, it feels like I’m failing, and my brain doesn’t work well without my mood stabiliser.

Here’s my mental health update for the past month, including a call with my GP and getting in the ring.

First up, I had a phone call with my doctor about accessing more counselling and putting me back on the mental health team.

However, he said he doesn’t think that they will accept me back as I’ve not long been discharged and that in regards to a proper diagnosis, he told me there are no psychiatric doctors in South East Cornwall and when I told him that’s bad he laughed and agreed with me.

What is Sheryl Murray, our local MP doing about this?

So my GP told me to sign up for Outlook South West which I don’t hold out much hope for as they last told my GP at the Stennack in St Ives years ago that they don’t get paid enough to treat people with illnesses like mine.

At the end of last month, I’ve been fighting my depressive demons and have plucked up the courage to go into a ring with many people watching.

For someone like me, who hates crowds and even grading it’s kid of huge, and at the age of 39 for the first time but not the last.

I’ve been trying to run, but it is difficult with back pain, and it’s hard being the slowest when I’m used to being one of the quickest.

I feel like the fat kid at school who people used to feel sorry for. Yes, my weight has always been an issue since forever. I’m trying to kill those ugly kilos, but it’s not coming off quick enough.

Writing-wise I’ve barely written anything as I’ve been concentrating on improving the SEO on my blogs. I’ve been reading Dave Grohl’s new book, which I received complimentary off Amazon back in January.

Training wise I’ve been amping things up a bit, but due to a few financial difficulties, I’ve scaled back for a few weeks but hope to ramp things up again for grading in May.

I’ve got a few things planned for April, including a surprise trip to Legoland for my nephew’s 9th birthday and an Easter egg hunt in the garden, weather permitting, for my niece and nephew.

Perhaps you have a mental health update you would like to share with us? Comment below or send an email to admin@looneychickblog.co.uk.

I will never be forgiven for my past, and it will always haunt me in this cold, unforgiving world of judgemental humans.

I have a criminal record, and I’m known by the police for being a nuisance stalker, although this isn’t true!

I’m unable to keep friends and boyfriends, which is why I’m staying away from humans for good.

Whenever I fall out with someone, I risk the police turning up on the doorstep, which isn’t good for my health.

I’ve also temporarily moved into my parents home in a new area, and I don’t want the neighbours getting any ideas and the pig brigade turning up at their home.

I will always face a dilemma when meeting new people.

Do I tell people about my past?

If I do, people will judge me and be frightened or hold it against me every time we fallout.

So, if I don’t tell them about my past, they could try to find out, or I will feel like I’m lying to them.

Sometimes I appear to come across as too pushy or needy, but I have a possible Emotionally Unstable personality disorder and Bipolar.

I say potential because I feel I’ve been misdiagnosed and told by a CMHT Psychiatrist I have bipolar traits, and I’m on the spectrum.

I have a mood disorder that CMHT has failed to treat me for.

Yes, I’ve done things that are out of character for a so-called average person to do, but I’m not manipulative, jealous and controlling like some ex associates would have you believe.

There is a friendly, caring and thoughtful side to me where I would do anything for my family and people I once considered friends.

I try so hard for people to love me and see me as a good person that I become too much to the point where people think I’m obsessed with friendships or relationships.

Which I believe is a EUPD trait.

The only difference is I don’t fear being abandoned or alone as I’ve always been this way and rarely connect with humans on a certain level—another reason why I try extra hard to keep people in my life.

I don’t want large groups of people, just a few loyal people who are hard to find, especially when you’re middle-aged with no partner or kids.

My main fear is being a failure, failing to hold down a job, relationships, friendships, and
buying a home.

For this reason, people will always judge me for having a criminal record and for having mental health issues.

I don’t want to be a victim.

I want to have the things in life like relationships, friendships, fun, sadly I don’t think it will ever happen.

Have you ever had trouble with your past haunting and forgiveness?

I’m feeling anxious about coming out of lockdown and everything going back to normal. 

Since going into a complete lockdown in March 2020, everything has changed, and I hate change. 

Most of the change has not been good. My life as it was before will never go back to the way it was. 

I wasn’t happy before lockdown, but I was working towards being content.

Since lockdown, I’ve lost more people and pets along the way.

Last summer, I worked towards the future and started back at the gym until lockdown hit again in November, destroying Christmas and plans. 

I never went Christmas shopping for the first time in years, doing all of my shopping entirely online, and the trip we planned for the kids on the Polar Express Train got cancelled. 

We went from Tier 1 lockdown, the lowest in the country, to tier 3 lockdown within a few weeks. 

Christmas was cut short, and in January, we went back into lockdown, and the government didn’t partially lift it, and the gym never reopened until April.

I’m not happy about the decision to come out of lockdown with cases higher than they were when the first complete lockdown hit, and people are still dying.

The greedy capitalist government have decided to open everything up in time for the summer. 

I’ve had one vaccination, and the government expect me to travel miles away for my second, which isn’t helpful. I’m feeling anxious about the whole situation. 

They have closed the centre up the road from me probably because the older generation has already had their two jabs, but why is the younger generation expected to travel miles away? 

I’ve emailed my local surgery to ask this question, and they replied by telling me that they have no control over vaccination centres and that I should phone 119.

My anxiety has increased, and I will be doing the same as I’m currently doing and staying in. 

I go to the gym, but straight after I finish, I go straight home, shower and put my clothes in the wash. I go to a supermarket once a week. 

My medication has increased by 75mg, and a situation has led me to get more counselling with Penhaligan Counselling and Mind.

I will continue to wear my mask even if it’s no longer a legal requirement and continue to avoid busy places but will continue to use hand sanitiser.

I have, however, rebooked the Christmas Polar Express trip because the kids are getting older, and it may be the last time we go on a Christmas trip.

Share some of your fears about coming out of lockdown or things you are looking forward to?

Mental Health treatments are scarce in Cornwall due to COVID. I have been trying to seek help for my failing mental health and have been put on several counselling lists.

I haven’t heard from the CMHT at Trevillis House in Liskeard for months.

I contacted them back in November to say that I was struggling with my mental health and needed some counselling and they rang me back to say they would be in touch to tell me where I am on the list.

Which never happened.

I decided to look for other mental health treatments and counselling as I came to a point where it was either sink further into depression and anger or get help and try and get better and seek a more positive outlook on life.

Before Christmas, I contacted Valued Lives after seeing an online Instagram post promoting their vans in Sainsbury’s car parks throughout the county.

After sending them a private Facebook message, they contacted me to make an appointment.

Two people from Valued Lives rang me, and the first person referred me to Penhaligan counselling.

I was told there was a long list due to COVID and the second person who called me later that day, reminded me of putting together a comfort box with my favourite things and said she would phone the mental health team to see if she could help speed things up.

I also phoned Mind another charity in the hope of getting some phone or Zoom counselling, but the man who answered the phone told that their list was full.

The man then rang me back to say they couldn’t offer counselling at this point, but he could ring me once a week for a chat.

I purchased a DBT book as I felt like I was running out of options, and so far, the book has helped me learn a technique called the REST option. I will be reviewing the book on here once I have completed it.

Waves Counselling are phoning me this week, so I’m hoping they can help if not, I’m going to pay for counselling with Betterhelp.

Betterhelp is an online counselling service for people in the US and the UK.

Even the Guardian published an article on New Years Day about the rise in people within the UK now being prescribed antidepressants as the pandemic cuts face to face counselling services in a time where people are confined to their homes, away from loved ones.

The paper quotes that “more than 6 million people in England received antidepressants in the three months to September, part of a wider trend and the highest figure on record.”

Let us know if you or your loved ones have struggled to find mental health treatments in your area?

Last week, I turned 37 a milestone I never thought I’d make due to my mental health and suicidal tendencies.

I always thought I’d be joining the 27 club with some of my musical idols.

Turning 37 is weird for me as I’m not in the place I thought I’d be but then again who is? By the age of 25, I expected to be married, with kids, a career, and a better car instead I’m a freelancer with no kids or partner and still living at home.

Unfortunately, like many others, I’ve been in the wrong place at the wrong time, and instead of life running smoothly and everything falling into place.

I have dealt with some of the hardest life lessons ever. I’m not being negative or giving the hard done by story, it’s just my perspective on life.

Last week, I spent the day before my birthday with my Mum, sister, and my niece and nephew and received a Rhino pandora link and we had cake.

On my birthday, I spent it with a mate who also treated me with a cake and I went kickboxing.

I went for a run in my new Nike clothes last Wednesday after receiving 25% off on Nike clothing for my birthday.

My Mum brought me some guitar strings for my acoustic Epiphone and some Nike football bottoms and I purchased a long sleeve top and a t-shirt for training and running.

I also treated myself to my first ever pair of Nike Air trainers. These were big in the 90s but I never had these before.

I also treated myself to an iPhone XR which I brought off the Facebook Marketplace.

Two years ago my parents brought me the iPhone SE for my birthday after my iPhone 5S was stolen from outside my sister’s house.

The iPhone SE started playing up last year and the battery goes down if you turn it off then on again and it only lasts a few hours.

I’m pleased to now have a phone that works a lot better and has a bigger screen.

I also hope to review the iPhone XR on my tech and music blog.

I’ve given up making plans despite turning 37 because I always put too much pressure on myself and get upset when others can’t join me due to other commitments.

Workwise, I’ve been learning and doing some online tests and been looking for ideas for blog posts on both blogs.

In 2020 I will be learning to be more consistent instead of making lots of plans which I fail to achieve then I get depressed and angry when they don’t materialise.

I didn’t bother to go out and celebrate this New Year, I decided that I would try and see if New Year’s eve 2020 will be a better year and will give me something positive to celebrate.

I’ve been told that if I want to achieve I have to learn to be more consistent and give my blogging audience and YouTube audience regular content to look out for.

I often start really enthusiastic and have spells of being overactive and then when I’m depressed I stop posting content as I never have the drive or energy for it.

Despite not achieving what I wanted to on my blogs and vlogs, I did manage to make the top 10 Vuelio UK blogs and I was featured on bloggers spotlight.

Featuring on the website was the best thing I achieved in 2019.

Many of you will have written or read blog posts about New Year’s resolutions and getting organised for 2020. I’m not setting myself any goals this year.

I could talk all day about fitness programmes and diets and things that I’m going to do this year, but I haven’t planned anything and I’m not going to.

I lost a lot of money planning spontaneous trips last year and I can’t afford to do that.

Yes, I have dreams and ideas of what I would like to achieve and I will share them in my content if I achieve them, but another New Years’ resolution post full of ideas can easily be written but not so easily achieved.

If anyone would like to share their stories and guest post on this blog please email admin@looneychickblog.co.uk and don’t forget to comment and post on our social media channels.

Happy New Year and let’s hope 2020 will be a positive one!