There’s a fire inside of me it bites and burns until I can’t breathe like a burning rage could this be Bipolar rage?
It’s difficult to explain, but recently I’ve been feeling frustrated and irritable like my best isn’t ever good enough. Like too much will never be enough. I feel a sense of power like I can punch walls, jump from cliffs and windows and escape unharmed. Whatever harm I do I will never feel.
Maybe I need to go for a run or do a workout, my back probably won’t even feel pain right this moment. I have this renewed energy, and I need to use it. I wish I had a punching bag so I could tear it from the chains.
The energy will go on for days and weeks, I lie awake until gone midnight and awake before dawn. I’m never in a deep sleep in case they try to get me in my sleep. That is they whoever speaks to me and makes me shout at them in the night.
Things aren’t happening fast enough I need over 200 web views a day, free things to write reviews on and, more work and the money to start rolling in for becoming an affiliate for top companies.
Am I afraid, Never after all I am invincible?
I want to start my YouTube channel but I hate my body, and I hate my face. Why is my skin still in bad condition yet I buy expensive products and wash it twice a day? Why have I gained loads of weight when I don’t eat that much?
I wish I could be slim like the models and celebrities you watch on tv. I can’t go outside there’s too much evil, and I look like the fat kid who ate too many pies, yet I don’t even eat that much.
As for my spending, I’m currently on a spending ban, which is annoying because I have a massive Amazon wish list with things that I need on.
I need Books to help me with my websites and social media, guitar pedals so I can produce unique sounds. A point and shoot camera because they are lighter to carry around and I want to start my YouTube channel with a lighter camera than my Pentax DSLR. Records would be great so I can listen to them on my new record player and a camera bag and zoom lens so I can take close up photos and place the camera and gear inside a rucksack.
I also need a holiday as I haven’t had one in 4 years. I’m looking at going to Australia for the Commonwealth games next year. The problem is I might not be allowed in. Thanks to the bastards who gave me a criminal record for being ill. It says on the Australian website that you have a substantial criminal record for having a prison sentence which includes suspended and you need to apply to get into the country. Have can something so trivial ruin my life!
I also want to book a concert this year because I want to review gigs for my blog. However, I can’t find anyone to go with, and most of the concerts are in London and train tickets are stupidly expensive to get there from the South West.
Have you ever felt a burning rage ripping through your body at 100mph and you can’t feel, touch, breathe or love? Everything is burnt out even that new candle you bought yourself for Christmas? Is this bipolar rage?