Fighting the flu and feeling rough

fighting the flu

I have been fighting the flu and feeling rough for almost a week now after a hectic start to February.

At the beginning of the year, I had so many exciting plans, and now those plans have faded to the back of my mind as I’m back fighting the flu. I have been feeling ill almost every month lately which is also affecting my productivity.

I was forced to take a few days off blogging and filming last week, due to feeling really ill and having writer’s block.

Last Monday was half term week, and I went to the hairdresser’s to get my hair cut. By the time I had finished, it was lunchtime, and mum and I took the kids to the park.

On Tuesday morning my sister and the kids left, and I was busy trying to get some work done for a digital agency. I worked from until the following morning at 0.30 hours. On Wednesday morning I got up and started trying to catch up with a few blog posts and went to Penzance Bipolar Group in the afternoon. I was feeling a bit tired and tempted to give it a miss, but because I hadn’t been since last year, I decided to show my face.

On Thursday I attempted to write a post for my other blog, but this wasn’t happening because I felt sluggish and tired. I went with mum to the doctors in the afternoon and made the decision to turn off the computer and take a few days off.

On Friday morning, I woke up with an awful headache. It lasted the whole day. It was the worst and longest headache I’ve had in years. Throughout the entire weekend, I have had a severe headache, sore throat and glands and I’ve been feeling sleepy.

Mum and Dad are also fighting the dreaded flu virus, which isn’t good because Dad is a diabetic and mum only has one kidney which isn’t currently functioning properly.

Mum has to go back into hospital as the doctors need to check her kidney stent and make a decision on what they will do in the long term.

It’s now Tuesday, and I have been trying to write this blog post, but I keep falling asleep. I stayed up until 11 pm last night because my dog has had his teeth cleaned and eleven teeth were taken out, and he isn’t feeling himself at the moment.

On a positive note, I have finished reading The Google Checklist which I purchased off Amazon a couple of weeks ago for £4.99. At that price, you should give it a read.

Let’s hope that fighting the flu pays off and spring will bring us good health and lighter and warmer days.

Looking into travel restrictions



One of the things that has been bothering me is travel restrictions for people with criminal records.

I want to travel to Australia next year to watch the Commonwealth Games in Brisbane, and I read that people who are given a prison sentence of 12 months or more are considered to have what they call a substantial criminal record and need a visa and permission to enter the country.

I have two options; I can ignore this because how can you get a criminal record for being ill? Or, I can go with the visa and write as much information as I can and hope that the people reading the entry form understand the difference between a criminal and someone who suffers from mental health.

Travel restrictions also affect my chances of getting into the US and Canada, another two countries that I wish to visit sometime in the future. I’ve always wanted to travel along Route 66 and Niagra Falls would be fascinating to see.

I haven’t been abroad for seven years. The last time I went abroad was in 2009 to Gran Canaria, and my Gran passed away when I was out there. I think a break in well overdue.

It’s been 11 years since I last visited my cousin who lives in Australia. We flew out to Sydney and then travelled to Melbourne in a car for the Commonwealth Games in 2006. When we arrived in Melbourne, we couldn’t get tickets to the stadium because it was full. We had to watch the games outside the stadium on the big screens, and we had to sit on a concrete floor.

This time I’m hoping to get tickets to see the athletics and the tickets are due out in April, but I don’t want to pay for tickets and be told I can’t enter the country.

I spoke to my probation officer about travel restrictions, and she said that she doesn’t know anyone who had applied before but encouraged me to apply and put in as much information as possible.

I’m also hoping that my mum recovers from her kidney problems because her only kidney started failing before Christmas and she had to have a stent put in as a temporary measure. A growth has grown around her kidney, blocking the tube and we are still not sure what the growth is and how it got there.

Mum missed out on Australia last time because she couldn’t get the time off work but I know she’s keen to go. I have also asked my auntie about going back out to Australia, and she is keen to visit my cousin who has moved back out there and being an athletics fan, she also wants tickets to the Commonwealth Games.

Have you ever applied for a visa? Or travelled on an ESA without getting found out? Let us know your experiences at or comment on one of our social media platforms.


Why St John’s Wort are only a short term solution to your depression!

I started taking St John’s Wort during the summer of 2005 after falling out with close friends and colleagues and repeating my second year in BA Journalism. 

Although they stopped me from breaking down in tears in public and when I was working, they are only a short-term solution and are no longer effective when your depression starts to become a fight to stay alive.

Research suggests that non-prescribed medication like St Johns Wort will only work in mild to moderate depression and others have shown no difference between St. John’s Wort and placebo. Where St. John’s Wort has been used on patients with severe depression, researchers find no improvement in symptoms.

St Johns Wort should never be taken with other prescribed medicines and if you are in doubt you should ask your doctor. 

The demons started to build and speak to me louder and louder and each year I prayed that they would leave until it built up so bad that as the years passed I wasn’t getting better. 

I struggled to be loved, liked, get and keep jobs and it just became into the fire and out of the frying pan. History kept on repeating itself until I finally admitted defeat in the Autumn of 2013.

I finally went to the doctor after being suspended from work and falling out with people who at the time I thought were good friends. She prescribed me with Sertraline and put me on the counselling list for CBT.

After months of being on the drug and 12 sessions of CBT, my condition didn’t improve. My doctor took me off medication and told me that I needed to cope without medication and gave me a prescription for Prozac in case I needed it. 

I then buried myself into my work until I had a manic episode and my super powers came crashing down, leading to a run in with my so called ex-mates who grassed me up and lied to the boys in blue. 

This time I was put on Prozac and I was put on the mental health team for the first time. 

I was assessed by a psychiatrist who prescribed me with Venlafaxine, which I’m still taking and I’m not entirely sure if I still need a mood stabiliser. 

There are lots of times when I consider coming off meds or going back to St John’s Wort but when I tried to come off my meds I was sick and felt really withdrawn and unable to function. It got to the point where I was lying on the couch and tears were streaming down my eyes. I couldn’t even blog, it was that bad. 

When I told my doctor she told me that I wasn’t to come off the meds yet because it can take years to come off then and some people have to take them for the rest of their lives. 

I’ve decided to stick with the Venlafaxine for now and I’m currently waiting to see if I will need more CBT therapy or whether I need to go back on the mental health team because I have asked them to diagnose me correctly as I feel I have been misdiagnosed. I was firstly diagnosed by my GP with depression and anxiety, then Borderline Personality Disorder and finally Adjustment disorder by the mental health team. The Psychiatrist said he couldn’t rule out bipolar, but they haven’t explored this enough to be able to make a proper diagnosis. 

I was firstly diagnosed by my GP with depression and anxiety, then Borderline Personality Disorder and finally Adjustment disorder by the mental health team. The Psychiatrist said he couldn’t rule out bipolar, but they haven’t explored this enough to be able to make a proper diagnosis. 

If you have experience of taking non-prescribed medications such as St John’s Wort or any other non-prescription drug tell us about it or email

First visit to the Crown Court

My first visit to the Crown Court I couldn’t believe I was being put through this and something inside of me was hoping and begging for this to be dropped. 

I was both angry and sad that someone could do this top me, let alone someone who said I was one of their best friends. 

I remember sitting outside in the corridor for hours, and it seemed like forever until I was finally called in at around 3.30pm. Firstly, I met with my solicitor and barrister, and they told me that the stalking charge would be dropped if I agreed to plead guilty to Perverting the course of justice and to resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer with intent. 

I disagreed with this because my father told me that I wasn’t guilty of resisting arrest and assault with intent and I tried to argue the perverting the course of justice as wasting police time. I tried to get them to lower the charge, but neither my barrister or solicitor wanted to fight this.

I was just another criminal with a mental health problem and was in no fit state to even be in court let alone fight a charge that warrants a prison sentence. 

The court was full of people, and I was feeling extremely anxious. Lots of us were all called into court, and I was told to sit in the courtroom next to my fellow criminals, like the naughty school children waiting for their detention slips. 

The Crown Court was a lot busier than the Magistrates and a look scarier. 

One by one the charges were read out for each of us. Most of the others were in court for drug charges. Some defendants were brought up from the chambers and had to enter a plea behind a window with a locked door. I was called almost last, and by then most of the defendants had been approved bail and were either sent to visit probation or were taken to prison.

There was a guy who came into court with no shoes on, and he was clearly under the influence of drugs, and he started to shout things at the judge and some of the other defendants. It was all a bit surreal, it felt like something out of the movies, especially when he asked me what I was there for and if I was going to jail. 

Another guy who was up for drug charges sat there with a book in his hands. If you had seen it, you probably wouldn’t believe how serious this was. 

When it was my turn, I felt physically sick in a room full of solicitors and barristers. Even the audience seats were full, I was just hoping that there was no press. 

I pleaded guilty to Perverting the course of justice and not guilty to resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer with intent, and I was given bail to return a couple of weeks later. 

After I was let out of the glass room, I heard the judge asking the barrister why I was there and how can I pervert the course of justice when the original case had been dropped. 

They continued to argue this and the next thing my barrister had come out asking if I would accept a charge of battery instead of resisting arrest and assaulting a police officer with intent. 

I was just pleased to be out of there but unprepared for what came next. No one could have prepared me for that first ever visit to the Crown Court. 

Have you ever been to the Crown Court due to your mental health? Comment below or send an email to and we can feature your experiences on this site. 

The LooneyChick blog protects all identities. 


Could this be Bipolar rage!

There’s a fire inside of me it bites and burns until I can’t breathe like a burning rage could this be Bipolar rage?

It’s difficult to explain, but recently I’ve been feeling frustrated and irritable like my best isn’t ever good enough. Like too much will never be enough. I feel a sense of power like I can punch walls, jump from cliffs and windows and escape unharmed. Whatever harm I do I will never feel.

Maybe I need to go for a run or do a workout, my back probably won’t even feel pain right this moment. I have this renewed energy, and I need to use it. I wish I had a punching bag so I could tear it from the chains.

The energy will go on for days and weeks, I lie awake until gone midnight and awake before dawn. I’m never in a deep sleep in case they try to get me in my sleep. That is they whoever speaks to me and makes me shout at them in the night.

Things aren’t happening fast enough I need over 200 web views a day, free things to write reviews on and, more work and the money to start rolling in for becoming an affiliate for top companies.

Am I afraid, Never after all I am invincible?

I want to start my YouTube channel but I hate my body, and I hate my face. Why is my skin still in bad condition yet I buy expensive products and wash it twice a day? Why have I gained loads of weight when I don’t eat that much?

I wish I could be slim like the models and celebrities you watch on tv. I can’t go outside there’s too much evil, and I look like the fat kid who ate too many pies, yet I don’t even eat that much.

As for my spending, I’m currently on a spending ban, which is annoying because I have a massive Amazon wish list with things that I need on.

I need Books to help me with my websites and social media, guitar pedals so I can produce unique sounds. A point and shoot camera because they are lighter to carry around and I want to start my YouTube channel with a lighter camera than my Pentax DSLR. Records would be great so I can listen to them on my new record player and a camera bag and zoom lens so I can take close up photos and place the camera and gear inside a rucksack.

I also need a holiday as I haven’t had one in 4 years. I’m looking at going to Australia for the Commonwealth games next year. The problem is I might not be allowed in. Thanks to the bastards who gave me a criminal record for being ill. It says on the Australian website that you have a substantial criminal record for having a prison sentence which includes suspended and you need to apply to get into the country. Have can something so trivial ruin my life!

I also want to book a concert this year because I want to review gigs for my blog. However, I can’t find anyone to go with, and most of the concerts are in London and train tickets are stupidly expensive to get there from the South West.

Have you ever felt a burning rage ripping through your body at 100mph and you can’t feel, touch, breathe or love? Everything is burnt out even that new candle you bought yourself for Christmas? Is this bipolar rage?

I fucked up! Now I’m a criminal with mental health issues!

Back in 2015, I fucked up really badly and now I’m facing life as a criminal with mental health issues. 

Not only did I previously lose my job and my friends, but I also lost my clean record and my freelance business which was starting to take off, and now I’m a criminal with mental health issues.

The question is should I have been brought to court with a mental health problem. Let alone be charged? Especially when I had self-harmed when I was charged with Stalking, Perverting the course of Justice and Assault with intent and resisting arrest. In fact, all three of those charges were wrong. I was later charged with Battery and Perverting the course of justice. Haven’t I been punished enough!

Despite the fact I never assaulted anyone, and it was me who was assaulted. Officers from Devon and Cornwall Police pushed their way into my home and started kicking and kneeing my radiator and kneeing me in the back, causing a bulging L5 disc affecting both sides of my back.

I never Perverted the course of justice and I believe that if anything I should have been charged with wasting police time.How can I pervert the course of justice before I had even met a police officer? I had an argument with an ex-friend because she had my money and equipment and when I tried to recover it she threatened to call the boys in blue on me and tricked me into giving her my address so she could go to the police. However, when I asked my Psychiatrist for this in writing he then said: “Are you sure you weren’t drunk at the time”?

Due to my condition which is thought to be Bipolar disorder and the Psychiatrist told me that I was probably on a high, although I have no memory of doing this. I stupidly, fucked up by calling the police pretending to be my ex-friend and cancelling the complaint to the police.

My Psychiatric doctor then said he couldn’t get involved due to a conflict of interest. He told the Police that I was fit to attend their investigation, despite me being suicidal and slitting my wrists following the news that I was being charged three accounts.

How was I supposed to know she would do this to me! I was taught never to grass it’s the worst betrayal ever. Even one of my old school friends, who saw me a few years ago, remembered me for not liking people who grass and that they should have their heads flushed down the toilet. I know I can sense things before they happen and I’ve had these premonitions’ since I was a child; I am not entirely psychic otherwise I would be able to predict the lottery numbers. I can only predict when bad things are about to happen, the voices speak to me.

I’m not saying that someone with mental health issues should get away with doing something wrong, I’m saying that treatment should be in place and that they shouldn’t have to live with having a mental health issue for the rest of their lives by suddenly becoming a mad criminal.

People with mental health issues are discriminated enough, especially when it comes to employers, let alone having to deal with a criminal record.

I think individuals who are criminalised due to mental health issues should start campaigning to get their criminal records wiped?

Have you ever fucked up due to a mental health issue and been criminally charged? Comment below, or we would love to hear your story if you would like to send us your stories email

Turning 34 and still stuck on a rollercoaster

Last weekend I had the pleasure of turning 34, and I’m still stuck a rollercoaster which won’t let me jump off anytime soon.

I spent the week at my sisters and my mum joined us for my birthday last Friday for the weekend. I had a quiet birthday, in comparison to other years. We stayed in most of the day and we had a chinese takeaway and chocolate cake in the evening.

Unfortunately, my mum wasn’t feeling well after eating the chinese so we didn’t do much for the rest of the weekend. She had a scan before coming up and the dye went straight through her arm instead of the vain, so she has to return to the hospital for another scan next week.

A broken glass with friendship in pieces

I’ve started the New Year still on probabtion and obsessed and determined to kill all the demons from the past and make things ok. I still hate the police and my so called ex friends who got me into trouble instead of trying to help me. No matter how hard I try to forgive them, I just can’t. Grassing someone up has always been a code of mine that you must never do no matter how hard or screwed up life is.

I will never forgive the police because government instituations are corrupt. These people have too much power and unless you are rich you can never beat them!

I’m also waiting to see if my Employment Support Allowance will stay the same and I have deffered my masters degree due to lack of funding.

Dream home with a swimming pool  I have big plans and lots of them and some people might say that I’m dreaming or being unrealistic. I would rather be a someone earning a good wage instead of a benefit freak who hardly leaves the house and never has any fun or money.


I purchased a scooter for myself and despite the fact that I have only used it once, I’m hoping that when the weather gets better I can go out with the kids and play on it. My mum wasn’t happy that I brought a scooter.However, I only brought a cheap one for now to see how I get on and I’m not sure that my mountain bike can be saved because its gone rusty.

I have seen a mountain bike that I would like and I really want to start mountain biking again because I lost lots of weight and I felt much fitter and healthier last time.

At the moment I’m feeling unfit and I’m not happy with my weight, so I’m wearing baggy clothes. Since my back was injured I’ve put on weight and I’ve not done much exercise for a while.

My spending spree has got a little bit out of hand, yet again this month and my mum has told me not to buy anything else. I still have a list of things I want, but I’m going to have to wait a while because my car tax is up next month and the month after is my MOT and car service then the month after that is my newphews birthday and Easter and my car insurance is up then (perfect timing).

Swimming is another favourite hobby of mine which I started last year and I hope when my mum gets better we will continue to go.


At the moment the weather is pretty grim and I have no plans to go on any trips and I have no holidays booked. Turning 34 really sounds like fun doesn’t it. I have achieved one thing this year, I have almost completed my Diploma in Viral Marketing with online educators, Shaw Academy. You can join Shaw Academy this month and receive a 30 day trial on a course of your choice.

When I was younger I thought that turning 34 would be so different.  I automatically thought that I would be married with kids and have a really well paid job, car, home and a really good group of friends because that’s what every normal person does righ? Or so I was led to believe, I never thought that life would be this harsh and I would be on the outside looking in. Sometimes I am sad and angry when I hear that so many people from school have their marriage, kids, jobs, friends and holidays. Why can’t I have this? When can I get off the rollercoaster?


I’m still waiting for more NHS Counselling

It’s January 2017 and I’m still waiting to hear about more NHS Counselling. I was released from the Mental Health team last November and both I, members of my Bipolar group and my parents thought this was a little bit too early and that I could do with more support.

I came off my medication and immediately started to crash and couldn’t function properly. Early last month I went to my GP and she said that its way too early to come off my medication and that just because the mental health team had discharged me, doesn’t mean I’m better. She also told me that the only reason why I was being discharged was because of funding.

I’m fed up with being on a waiting list and treated as another statistic instead of a person. Unless you have money everything is about funding. Second class citizens get treated poor by the government and its authorities. It appears that if you don’t have money you don’t have a say!

Outlook South West offered me a phone assessment to see which treatments would suit me best on December 14th. I have heard nothing from them yet and its now almost the end of January. They told me that they need to decide whether I should go back on the mental health team and be properly assessed or whether I will have more treatments through them and keep a mood diary.

I’ve decided to seek out some treatments for myself, one being a mood app that I can do on a daily basis and the second online counselling. Many people are offering this service and I feel it might be beneficial for me.

I will let you know how I get on with this, once I have decided on them. If you have experienced NHS counselling or have found your own therapies comment below, check out our facebook page or tweet @AdminChick.


What courts and Solicitors fail to mention about Probation

On Probation signI thought that on February this year, that my nightmare on probation would end.

I was told by my solicitor to complete 15 Rehabilitation sesssions within the first year of a two-year suspended sentence. I was recently told by probation to complete two more sessions due to late cancellations from probabtion.

This was sorted out, when probabtion agreed to also put my sessions with charity, Pentreath towards my Rehabilitation sessions. I was then told first by letter and today by telephone that I had to wait another agonising 12 months until my probation order was complete.

I asked my probation officer, why this was and that the judge and probation at the court never explained this and she agreed that people aren’t told this at court and that there isn’t anything she can do about the rules.

She told me that over the past 12-18 months, probation contact offenders who have received community and suspended sentence orders are subject to telephone calls, which are usually once a month.

Instead of going to see probation they are now keeping in touch with me via telephone contact. This is good that I don’t have to keep going to see them, but I feel that I am unable to forget this incident and move in completely with this amongst other issues still lingering.

For me, even when the clocks strikes midnight in January 2018, I will still be a marked crimminal. That’s not included the time it takes to be spent and the 5 -year restraining order against me for something that I wasn’t charged for or guilty of.

Why don’t probation, the soilicitor and the judge mention this before leaving the court. For someone who isn’t used to all this legal jargon there is little help or support available and when you try and seek help from the mental health team they think that you are making up a mental illness because you are in trouble and thats what many people are doing.

I feel like I have been set up with this, because they gave it to the Police because that’s what the Police had asked for. But, I don’t want anything to do with someone who lies to get me into trouble. I’m better off without people who tell lies, grasses you up and calls you a freak for having mental health issues. That’s something I can never forgive or forget and much worse than anything I have ever done to anyone.

When the friend of the person who accused me of Harassing them has a husband who is a police officer you can also see where I’m coming from? That friend took her side and also has nothing to do with me either! But again, why would I want to be friends with people who can’t stand by me?

If you have ever been on probation let us know about your experiences? Or Tweet @AdminChick.



Having a happy and healthy 2017

I need to get my happy and healthy 2017 back on track!

We are thirteen days into the New Year, and I’m already started to feel a bit depressed because everything is moving too slowly.

I wanted to get back at the Police for my injury, solicitors are also corrupt they won’t take the case!

I want work; I hear nothing!

I need 10,000 blog followers per month; I’m lucky if I get 100 per month

I require more twitter followers!

I want to forget about probation and have nothing to do with this ever AGAIN!

I reach out for help to professional bloggers; they don’t reply!

None of this is coming and why? I can’t even answer my own questions!

I’ve hardly stepped out of the office let alone the house since December 27th. When I have it’s to the shops for food or the chemist for more pills.

Here are some things that can help to take your mind off things and help you get back on track to a happy and healthy 2017:

Play an instrument

I play the guitar, so I’m going to continue to play new songs. I have six guitars and two pedals, so I hope to improve my guitar playing, purchase the pedals I want to buy, record some songs that I have written and plan to purchase a microphone stand and the Rode NT1 microphone. I will also be attending the Shaw Academy Ultimate guitar course and will take the exams. I need to also brush up on my music theory as well as practice.

Getting fit again

Nintendo Wii

Since my back injury, thanks to a (former jealous friend and a corrupt police office)in 2015, I’m hoping to leap back into shape. I have purchased Pilate’s DVD’S to help me get back into shape, and I have also bought a scooter so I can improve my balance.

I need exercise back in my l

ife if I’m to enjoy and happy and healthy 2017. I’m really unhappy with my weight gain since my back injury and not doing so much exercise. Now I have found out that my bulging disc doesn’t need operating on, I’m going to build up my back strength and work through the pain.

Towards the end of 2016, I started using my Nintendo Wii again, however, since I bought a double bed, there isn’t a lot of room in my bedroom for exercise and with mum currently off sick, both her and dad are always in the lounge.

When the weather improves, I will be scooter around and will take pictures on walks. Cornwall is a lovely place to go on coastal or country walks and take some pictures of scenery for my blog posts. I plan to Vlog about my journeys as well. Originally I planned to start a Vlog in the New Year, however, because I currently haven’t had the best start to 2017, I have decided that I will go with the flow and start vlogging when I feel ready.


I haven’t ridden my bike since October 2010. I want to clean up my bike and start riding again. I lost lots of weight when I started mountain biking seven years ago. I stopped when I got the push from the job I was in. I used to ride to work and back, even on wet days. The reason I got the push was because I was accused of threatening my boss, then they just said that I never liked the job I was in and that I never got on with the boss and they had made up their mind and would pay me until the end of the month.

Read more

In 2016, I started reading books again. I started by reading autobiographies by Eric Clapton and Johnny Cash. I then purchased a few SEO books on Amazon, and I’ve got my eye on buying a few more books. I have read the Million Dollar Blog, and I’m currently reading Brian Wilson’s autobiography that my mum got me for Christmas. I’m hoping that reading books will help me improve my writing and grammar skills.

Meditate daily


Many therapists and people from my Bipolar group have recommended meditation. I’m keen to try it. I have tried some mobile apps, but unfortunately, like everything they come at a cost. I’m going to have a look around on YouTube and see if there are any meditation videos I can do maybe once or twice daily to help relax me.

Let me know what you are doing towards a having a happy and healthy 2017? Are you taking up a new hobby?Are you Planning a new challenge? Or going to a place you have never been to before? Comment below and join in the discussion on @AdminChick .